Sunday, April 1, 2012

Paris Hilton - Fashionista, Actress, Singer, and Cologne Spokes-stripper

Paris Hilton, celebrity of National Lampoon's Pledge This, One Night in London, and some Carl's Junior ads also has a number of songs to share with us and a various of her fragrance as well. 

She has a pretty good song, Stars are Blind, which is fairly surprising for a model, heiress, fashionista, harlot or whatever you might call her. I guess that money, while not necessarily buying happiness, CAN buy you a good studio band and producer.

Apparently, if you like girls in "school girl outfits", you'll want to see “Pledge This, listen to "Stars are Blind", and smell like her, or if you're a guy -- have her like the way you smell.

One might logically think that her men's cologne must smell like she wants her man to smell.  At least, I assume that guys who buy the Paris Hilton Cologne must think that.  Maybe its girls who want to be like Paris Hilton who buy their men the Paris Hilton cologne.  They're out shopping for their own perfumes, some clothes, maybe a sexy costume or two and some slutty heels for a special evening they're planning, then while they're at the Paris Hilton counter perfume they get a whiff of the Paris Hilton cologne and think... "mmmm... that smells yummy..." and pick it up for their man, who then wears it dutifully hoping that those costumes and heels they saw on the receipt are also intended for him... but maybe not... not if you reject that cologne I bought you.  But if you smell yummy, I might just eat you all up.

Maybe, if you're extra lucky, she picks up a portable stripper pole as well, just to send the evening spiraling downward into a den of hedonism that further mirrors the life of Paris Hilton.

Did you know that there's a brand of portable stripper pole called "MiPole".  I have to assume that's pronounced "My Pole".  Once you buy one of those, a number of conversational opportunities obviously come up.  "Hey honey, why don't you whip out mipole, and dance around a bit on it?"  "I'm sure glad I married you, you really know how to work MiPole."  I'm thinking that mipole must require a great deal of polishing to keep it well maintained.  So, when you're polishing the various other knobs in the bedroom, you can polish mipole while you're in the mood for that sort of thing.  Insert another joke here about polishing knobs and poles.  These are just too easy.

All of this talk about easy and poles and knob polishing takes us back to "One might in Paris" and Paris' incredibly poor performance in that.  Sure, you're hot, honey, but that's not enough in the long run.  Hotness fades, and after that, skill and interest have to play a role in the process.  And it appears that she possesses neither.  Pity.  Maybe that explains why she decided to make a men's cologne, or two, or three.  Did I mention that she also has a line of (stripper) shoes?  ...and hair extensions?

I think she really needs to cut to the chase, and start her own line of portable stripper poles.  She'd make a mint.  Oh... I forgot she already has one of those.  Nevermind.

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